living dead

My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.                Galatians 2:20

 

My old self is dead.

The one that calls to me from the grave.

The one that encourages lies and cries out for the destructive.

The self that is all about self.

The me that wounds, hates, gossips, gets jealous and finds fault with others—

That me is dead.

 

Why do I forget this?

 

Why do I listen to this voice from the grave?

Why continue living in death when life is waiting, life is here?

 

Christ lives in me.

 

Jesus Christ, the Son of God.

The one from before all time. The one who made time.

He that who walked this earth and died to be raised again—that Jesus lives in me.

 

He lives in me.

 

It’s no longer me, my desires, my lusts, my self-oriented view.

It’s Jesus. He lives in me.

 

But I keep slipping back, keep pulling back, keep crawling off the altar—this living sacrifice I can’t seem to be. I keep taking control, fighting for what’s “mine” and going back on these promises of surrender.

 

How do I do this? How do I make this work? How do I live as the dead so Jesus can be alive in me?

 

So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God…

 

Trust. That’s a tricky one.

That’s why I keep taking back control.

That’s why I shudder at words like surrender and submission.

 

I don’t trust. Not really.

 

But he loves me. He gave himself up for me. And for you.

He loves us and we should trust him.

 

Maybe we won’t completely. Not today. Not yet.

But we should trust him a little more today. A little more than yesterday.

We’ll learn to trust wholly by choosing to trust what we can.

We’ll learn to live as the dead and let Jesus be our life.

 

It’s no longer me—it’s Jesus.

This life you see. It’s dead. It’s not mine. I’m not me.

I’m for him. This is his life. It’s the best that could ever happen.

Life was never so alive before this.

 

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2 thoughts on “living dead

    • Thanks for the encouragement david. It’s been a little chaotic here the last week or so with internet connection troubles, (so I’ve not been getting posts up as regularly or early in the day as I like to) but I will definitely keep it up…and get the kinks worked out.

      Thanks for reading!

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