search me O God…or i’ll do it myself

A word we use around our church pretty often is repentance. It’s part of what makes our community of Jesus followers so dynamic and gospel centered. Focusing on repentance and constantly calling one another to it is critical to our own journey toward God. The first of Martin Luther’s 95 Theses rightly identifies that “all of life is repentance.” Again and again the Bible calls us to be a people of repentance and live in repentance to Christ so it’s right to focus on this as a community. What’s also important is that we focus on it rightly and approach it biblically. Recently God has been speaking to me about my own repentance and simply put, the issue is this: my own repentance often involves way too much of me, and not enough of God. Where did I come up with this idea that I am so central to my repentance? Quite frankly, it’s not the view I find in the Bible.

 

Psalm 139 sets the tone for what true repentance involves. The Psalm spends the majority of its time celebrating the sovereignty of God, the wisdom and knowledge of God and his ever-present-ness. But the way the Psalm is bookended is so critical for understanding repentance. The Psalmist starts out with the words:

O Lord, you have searched me and known me!     Psalm 139:1

Then it closes with an invitation along the same lines:

Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!     Psalm 139:23-24

 

Why is this so critical? Because we tend to be so introspective when it comes to things of the heart and Psalm 139 calls for something completely opposite of this. There’s nothing wrong with introspection. Contemplating our own thoughts and desires is important. But it’s too easy to let this be the driving force behind our repentance—and quite frankly behind our entire relationship with Christ. It’s way too easy to let our times of quiet reflection with God be driven by a constant looking inward. What do I think of this passage of Scripture? What do I want to pray about and ask for? What do I feel guilty about and need to repent of?

 

The problem with this model of seeking God and looking for needed repentance is that when the driving force in my life becomes what I think and what I feel and what I consider to be the priority then I have set myself up as the authority. I have made myself the one I answer to—even when my motivation is to draw near to God. It’s not what we have in mind, but it’s the reality of how we’re living when introspection dominates. Isn’t this often the tendency we have towards repentance? We rely on ourselves to “feel” guilty or convicted of something and then we figure the result is something we should repent of. We ask ourselves what we think of passages we read in the Bible and then assume this is the truth God wants us to take away from it. These practical ways of engaging Scripture and God and our own sinfulness runs into several snags when we put it into practice.

 

First, we simply don’t have the adequate perspective or knowledge to be so self-reliant with regard to our spiritual health. Isaiah 55:8-9 reminds us that we simply don’t know or understand what God knows and understands. We don’t see as he sees. We aren’t God and would never claim to be, so why do we rely on our own meager perspective to guide us? Why do we rely on us to feel or see what we need to turn from in our lives? There is a definite knowledge gap between what God knows and what we know. That is reason enough not to put so much stock in what we think, feel, and desire.

 

Second, whether we like it or not, we can’t be trusted. We are broken sinners in need of grace. We know this. So it stands to reason that we can’t trust ourselves to play such a large role in evaluating the health of our souls. John speaks of the tendency of our own hearts to wrongly condemn us (1 John 3:19-24). And we see even disciples like Peter being fully convinced and convicted of a “truth” that isn’t true at all (Matthew 16:22-24). Because we are selfish sinners we can’t always trust what we think and what we “know” to be true. This makes sense in theory, but proves difficult in the day to day.

 

To be honest, these gaps are mostly incidental. The fact of the matter is that we are called and expected to look out toward God rather than looking in to ourselves. That’s the way the Bible reveals a heart of repentance. So the reasons I’ve identified are really secondary. The Psalmists back in 139 started out declaring the truth: God has searched him. God knows him. And so after reflecting on the greatness of God he seeks to be searched and to have his sin revealed to him. Essentially he is asking, “God, what should I repent of, what should I turn from? What do you find unacceptable in me?” He’s not deciding for himself, he’s looking to God to do the searching and the revealing.

 

Paul reiterates this same idea when in his letter to the Colossians he calls the people to live holy lives rather than sinful. He starts not by saying, “Take a long, hard look within and see how sinful you are.” Instead he says “If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.” (Colossians 3:1-2) Don’t look in and see what you think, feel, and desire. Don’t look around you and see what others have set up as the value system. Look up. Look to God so that your minds can be set there rather than on yourself.

 

I’m not saying that there isn’t a place for introspection and self-searching. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t be spending time considering our own thoughts and desires; we should. But I would imagine we could all do with cutting that time down and increasing the time we look toward Christ as we read, think, and pray. He will search our hearts by his Spirit who came in part to bring conviction. We should echo the psalmist more than we do, “Search me O God…”

sin behind the sin

This is the second of two posts on repentance. If you missed the first one you can find it here.

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In the last post we looked at the ways in which we repent and our tendency to rarely dig deeper than the surface—to see beyond the behaviors that are on the outside. Repentance is, at its core, a turning from sin. In order to turn, however, we need to understand what are sin really is. We need to know the sin behind the sin. So often, whatever sin we see on the surface is only part of the story. It’s only the beginning. Usually—maybe always—the sin behind it, the sin at the root of our behavior, finds its source in a false belief about God and his truth. It’s when we believe lies rather than the truth that we bow to sin. And in order to really repent we need to know what we’re believing that’s untrue.

 

I was recently shown this in a really helpful way and I want to pass it on to you. It revolves around something called the meta-narrative of Scripture. Meta-narrative essentially means the main story, the theme, the big story of the Bible. And the main story of Scripture is the story of God and his pursuit of us. It falls into four categories. There is Creation, Fall, Redemption, and Restoration. This is the story of the Bible. This is God’s story of pursuing us.

 

But it’s not just God’s story, it’s our story too. We all reflect this ultimate story. We all were created for a purpose, we all have fallen, we all need redemption and restoration. The story of the Bible is our story. It’s what brings meaning to life. This story—our story—of the Bible can be told by answering some key questions:

 

What’s our purpose? What were we created for?

 

This is the creation part of the story. We were created for God’s glory. To know him and be in relationship with him so that we might worship him and give him honor and glory.

 

What’s the problem? What keeps us from our purpose?

 

This is the fall. Sin keeps us from God. Sin keeps us from giving God glory. It takes on a multitude of different forms, but ultimately the problem is sin in us.

 

What’s the solution? What’s our hope in?

 

This is the redemption piece of the story. The solution is the cross of Christ. He redeems us. He makes everything right by paying the price for us.

 

What is our future? What do we hope for?

 

This is the restoration part of our story. Our future hope is Jesus returning. No more tears, no more pain, no more sin. Eternal communion with the Father.

 

These four parts, the answers to these four sets of critical questions, are what make up the gospel message. At our church we use gospel language a lot. We are often talking about living out the gospel and proclaiming the gospel. When we say these things we are referring to this story—the creation, fall, redemption, and restoration story. We want to live it out. To believe with our hearts and express with our lives the right answers to the questions above.

 

When we find ourselves in sin and in need of repentance it is because in some area of our lives, maybe in multiple areas, we are not rightly believing the meta-narrative of the gospel. It’s our wrong belief that manifests itself in our wrong behavior.

 

Let’s take an example and walk through it. In the last time it was gossip, this time let’s use greed. If I am recognizing some greed in my life the temptation is to simply pray for forgiveness and commit to “never doing that again.” But we should not stop there. We should seek to answer the why of our greed. Why are we acting greedily? Why is our heart unsatisfied with what we have? Why do we long for more than what god has given us? Why are we not generous and less self-centered?

 

Let’s walk through the four parts of the Bible’s story answering it through the lens of our greed.

 

What’s my purpose when I act in greed? What does my behavior say about what I think I was created for?

 

If I am acting greedily then I am saying that what I really believe is that I was created solely for pleasure, or solely for self-centered gain. I am saying that I believe I was created for material gain. Or maybe I am saying with my actions that I believe this world is all I was created for so I should live in the now and get as much as I can.

 

We don’t fully and completely believe these of course, but our behavior reveals that we are living in a way that shows we believe something like this in part at least. If any of these answers ring true, I will know it as I reflect on my behavior and should repent of my false beliefs that are behind the sinful act. Next question:

 

What’s the problem? What keeps us from our purpose?

 

This is a telling part of our believing of lies. Often we get glimpses into our false beliefs by listening to what we say to others. Or should I say, listening to how we complain to others?

 

“I just don’t make enough money to do everything I want to do.”

“There is never enough to pay all my bills.”

“Everyone else has a new phone or tv or [insert other item here]. If I made a little more money I could have one too.”

 

We say these things as complaints revealing that we believe this is the problem with our life. This is what makes things less than they could be. In the case of being greedy it’s focused on money and materialism. These are all lies we tell ourselves about what the problem really is. We stop seeing the problem (the fall) as sin in these cases. We’ve begun to believe that money will solve our problem and fix our woes. And we need to repent.

 

Are you beginning to see how this goes deeper than just apologizing for the general act of being greedy? We are using the questions that surround the gospel message of the Bible to reveal how we’ve gone astray in our thinking. Let’s look at the next question.

 

What’s the solution? What’s our hope in?

 

This is the part where we look at what kinds of solutions occupy our thinking and hoping and wishing. With greed it usually comes back to money and having more of it.

 

 “I would give a tithe to my church, but I just don’t make enough yet.”

“If I could just get that promotion I’d be making enough money that I wouldn’t get stressed about money any more.”

 

I am constantly amazed at how easily we fall back on functional saviors, believing they are the solution to our problem. Thinking they will bring meaning and hope to our lives, forgetting that Jesus is the only Savior.

 

What is our future? What do we hope for?

 

I think you see where we are headed here. When we are acting greedily it’s because the real thing we’ve put out hope in is having more money, getting a promotion. If we could just have enough in our 401k then we’d have solved the problems. Our hope isn’t in Jesus, it’s in some sort of monetary accomplishment.

 

We used greed as an example, but it could be anything. Whatever we find our selves doing or pursuing that we know is wrong. Getting at what’s behind it, at why we are doing it can reveal a much broader picture of our need for repentance than simply settling for an apology for the behavior and then an attempt to move on.

 

The story of the Bible is our story and it has four parts: Creation, Fall, Redemption, and Restoration; or what’s my purpose? what’s the problem, what’s the solution? what’s my future?

 

This is the story we should be living in.

 

how do you do it?

Zion will be restored by justice; those who repent will be revived by righteousness.                       Isaiah 1:27

 

How do you repent?

 

Maybe that’s too much of a question. Maybe I should start with do you repent? The truth is that if you’re a follower of Jesus you should be repenting. Often.

 

The Bible calls us to be a people of repentance. We are expected, when we sin, to repent or turn away from our sin. We are expected to seek forgiveness from God and express sorrow for our wrong doing. The goal is to restore relationship where sin has broken it down. The harsh reality is that sinning doesn’t stop when we become Christ followers, so neither should our repentance.

 

I gave her time to repent, but she does not want to turn away from her immorality.   Revelation 2:21

 

So again, my question for you to consider is: how do you repent?

 

I’m becoming acutely aware of just how critical this question is to our lives. It may mean the difference between chasing after moralism or falling at the feet of a grace-giving Jesus. It may determine if we live a life of religiosity or one with true heart transformation. Are we becoming more like Christ or merely struggling in futility to experience any power of the gospel in our lives?

 

Here’s the deal. Most of us—when we repent—repent only of behavior. This pushes us away from the real power of repentance that leads to life transformation. Let’s use gossip as an example and hopefully I can express it in a way that will make sense.

 

If we catch ourselves gossiping we know that we should repent of the act of gossiping.

 

“Father, please forgive me for gossiping. I know I shouldn’t do that. Help me not to.”

 

After all, the Bible says, don’t gossip and I just did, so what I did was wrong. I should behave differently. So, I am sorry for what I did. Right?

 

Right…to a certain degree. I’m not saying we shouldn’t seek forgiveness for behavior—not at all. I’m just concerned that this is usually where we stop. Here’s the problem with stopping at the behavior: it doesn’t deal with the why.

 

Why does the Bible tells us not to gossip? Why did I just gossip?

 

If we never answer the “why” then we’ve turned the life transforming power of the gospel of Jesus Christ into a list of do’s and don’ts. And do’s and don’ts have no power to change our hearts or make us into new creations. So what happens? I constantly live in this cycle of gossip and repentance. Gossip and repentance. Gossip and repentance. As well as a cycle of guilt and powerlessness. Instead of getting better—instead of being changed—we just find ourselves continually back on the same trail, repeating the same wrongs, finding no victory.

 

Why?

 

Because something deeper than the behavior is going on; something more than just how we act. I am convinced that behind every sinful behavior there is a false belief or understanding about God. And these false beliefs—these lies—influence how we live, the choices we make and the way we relate to others. Often times they are beliefs we would say we don’t have and certainly don’t want to have! But our behavior shows the truth about what we do believe.

 

What does habitual gossiping say about our beliefs?

 

Maybe it says that we don’t really believe that being made in God’s image makes everyone equally valuable. Maybe it says that we believe ourselves to be better than others. Maybe it says we believe that it’s justifiable to judge others behind their backs. Or is it that we believe we aren’t very valuable ourselves and so the only way to hide that is to bring others down? It could be saying something about our misunderstanding for relationships.

 

It could mean a myriad of things and if we don’t get at the why; if we don’t dig down into the sin behind the sin, we will just find ourselves repeating the same patterns over and over again. Or, in the event we find some way to curb that behavior through guilt or circumstantial manipulation, we’ll just find other behaviors coming into our lives, other expressions of sin, that at their root have the same “why”.

 

Last night at our church the small group leaders (we call them community groups) gathered together. The topic of exploration? What does it look like to repent well? How do we repent in a way that doesn’t reduce our faith to moralism and religious rule keeping? How do we embrace gospel transformation in our actions and behaviors?

 

Tomorrow I’m hoping to unpack more of what we discovered and share what it looks like to uncover and repent of the sin behind the sin. There is powerful implications for understanding the process of repentance better and for looking into how we should be digging deeper with repentance. I’m looking forward to sharing more with you! For today, I’m simply hoping you’ll consider the question:

 

How do you repent?

 

My fear is that most of us don’t bring any intentionality to this part of our lives. Because of that, we may not really be transformed by the Jesus on a regular basis.

 

can i hear?

During that long period, the king of Egypt died. The Israelites groaned in their slavery and cried out, and their cry for help because of their slavery went up to God. God heard their groaning and he remembered his covenant with Abraham, with Isaac and with Jacob. So God looked on the Israelites and was concerned about them.   Exodus 2:23-25

 

God sets the example for us. He shows the way. God hears the cry of the oppressed. God sees the hurt of those who are mistreated. God listens when the weak cry out. And God, in his concern, finds a way to reach the hurting and the needy. God seeks out the poor. He cares.

 

What about me? Do I follow my God’s example? Do I hear the cries of the hurting?

 

I must confess, I have often become numb to the cries of the hurting. I have been suspect of those who ask for help. I have been more concerned with how others will respond to my offerings for rescue or assistance than with making sure that I am offering myself to them. I have been less inclined to be poured out as a drink offering and more concerned with those who would drink and how and with what kind of appreciation. 

 

When did it happen that the people of God became less accepting and more judgmental than God himself? When did we take it upon ourselves to determine which hurting were worthy of our time and attention? How can it be that after being given the greatest mercy and grace imaginable we dole it out to others as if we had only sparse amounts in reserve?

 

Or is it simply that we do not hear them at all? That somehow we have become deaf to the cries for help? Are our TVs too loud, our schedules too busy, our pursuit of our own wish lists too consuming for us to give an ear and hear.

 

This is not the first time God sets us this example. It is not only here in Exodus and it is not only fro whole nations that are crying out for help. It is for the one as well as the many. Just ask Ishmael, child of parents with little faith and less patience.

 

God heard the boy crying, and the angel of God called to Hagar from heaven and said to her, “What is the matter, Hagar? Do not be afraid; God has heard the boy crying as he lies there.          Genesis 21:17

 

God heard the boy. Not the nation, not the people. The boy. One boy. A boy who should have been discarded by God. He stood for disobedience to God’s promise and God’s ways. He was the result of Abraham and Sarah not trusting God and waiting on God, but taking matters into their own hands.

 

Instead God loved him. God heard him. God helped and rescued him. This is what God does. He hears those who cry out for help. And he comes and offers help.

 

Can I be like this? Can I hear the cries? Can I learn to care enough to drop everything and give all to bring help to these hurting? God sent Moses to Egypt, a foretelling of how he would send his own son to the whole world. God sent all for the sake of those crying. Because he heard and he cared and he was concerned.

 

I want to hear the cries. I want to take the steps to do what must be done to help the hurting. I want to go forward even when it hurts to see the hurting. Even when it costs to reach out to them. Even when they don’t want what I offer and reject my gifts of love. I want to hear them, I want to care, and I want to help.

 

I confess that I do not hear very well, because I do not want to hear very well. In my own city there are thousands who are hungry, abused, mistreated, unwanted, unloved, traded as possessions. Thousands—if not more. It hurts to listen to their cries. And it costs me dearly to reach out for them. I do not even know how to reach out to them. God, show me the way. Open my ears. help me to hear.

 

I have indeed seen the misery of my people…I have heard them crying out…I am concerned about their suffering.        Exodus 3:7

 

an important confession

Woe to you Pharisees, because you love the most important seats in the synagogues and respectful greetings in the marketplaces.       Luke 11:43

 

Father, I confess that sometimes I let others define my value and determine my worth. I focus on being whatever those around me deem important instead of who you have called me to be.

I confess that some days I want to be recognized, to be admired, to be thought of as important; and it comes at the expense of simply wanting to be in relationship.

I confess that I love positions, seats, titles, accolades, and awards more than I love people.

 

When someone invites you to a wedding feast, do not take the place of honor, for a person more distinguished than you may have been invited. If so, the host who invited both of you will come and say to you, ‘Give this person your seat.’ Then, humiliated, you will have to take the least important place. But when you are invited, take the lowest place, so that when your host comes, he will say to you, ‘Friend, move up to a better place.’ Then you will be honored in the presence of all the other guests. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.          Luke 14:8-11

 

Father, I confess that I look out for myself far more than I look out for others. I am self-promoting and seek to give myself the best.

I confess that I often settle for others perceiving that I am important rather than the reality of knowing I am valuable to you.

I confess that I do not like to humble myself.

 

How can you believe if you accept praise from one another, yet make no effort to obtain the praise that comes from the only God?  John 5:44

 

Father, forgive me. I like the praise and admiration of others too much. These distract me seeking you and your approval. They rob me of the Life abundant you have offered. They lie to me and convince me that my worth and my value are determined by those I am on the journey with, rather than the One we journey towards.

Father, I confess, that being important has become far too important and being humble and a servant far too rare. I confess. Please change my heart, my value system, my self-perception.

consider this: confess

The weekend offers a little extra time to consider, to perhaps dive a bit deeper into the Scriptures. Schedules can slow down a bit and offer more opportunities to think. So here is a topic and several scriptures to consider. Please share your own thoughts or comments.

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Ever notice how as followers of Jesus we tend to embrace most of what the Scriptures call us to, but there are certain elements we may just…well, ignore? I’m not saying we live out the most really well, but we at least acknowledge it and seek to be good followers in those areas. But then there are certain things that we just don’t even seem interested in trying or growing in. We don’t talk about them or teach them in our churches.

Today I’m thinking about confession. Not confessing our sins to God, I mean confessing to one another; confessing to other believers that we have done wrong. If you aren’t Catholic there is a good chance that you haven’t done this…ever. Or if you did you didn’t do it on purpose!

But the New Testament speaks very clearly to this concept.

 

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.      James 5:16

 

Now, I get it. I understand the multitude of reasons why we don’t confess to each other. It’s uncomfortable, it’s embarrassing. No one likes to admit they have done wrong. And let’s be honest—it’s dangerous. If I tell someone my failures and weaknesses they may use it against me in the future. All true, but is that reason enough o ignore it?

When did the Gospel ever claim to be easy or safe? When did it become acceptable for us to follow only the parts that we can follow fairly comfortably?

Admittedly, I don’t agree with the way the Catholic Church does it. I don’t believe you can find Biblical support for needing a priest to hear your confession. But is this our only objection? Someone else did it inadequately or poorly (by a Protestant’s point of view) and so we don’t want to do it at all?

I wonder how that kind of logic will sit with Jesus? “They did it poorly so I just decided not to do it at all.” I would imagine Jesus may rather we try and do it improperly or inadequately than that we just avoid it and ignore it because the concept makes us squirm.

 

What do you make of our general ignoring of this call to confess to one another?

 What do you make of the apparent connection in James 5:18 between confessing and healing?

 What is one step I could/should take in the direction of learning to confess well? To receive the confessions of others well?

 How could true confession transform the community of believers?

   

Many of those who believed now came and openly confessed what they had done.            Acts 19:18

 

[Note: I realize these are generalizations and that there are pockets of the Church that confess well. But I think by and large the church has ignored it and its proper place within the community—whatever place that may be.]